Discriminating Love - Helen Sukis

The relationship I chose to analyze was my romantic one.  Kyle and I have been together for about four years. We wanted to have a real relationship, with honest communication and no stability in the traditional sense. What we have found is we defy the expectations most people have about a long term relationship, and it is evident that we are at odds with society. 

A relationship with out marriage is an inconvenience. Let's take a look at just a few ways the government discourages non-married couples like Mr. Makk and Mr. Wells who simply wanted to be legally wed to establish citizenship (Martin and Nakayama p.390). Medical insurance which is now a requirement with Obama's Healthcare Act will not provide coverage for unconventional families without a fees. Paying an extra stipend equating to 1/3 or more of your already existing policy price will allow you to cover the other members of your household. This is basically a non marriage fee. Family plan $276 a month, family plan plus non married spouse $347 a month( these are my real life Aetna family medical plan fees). This trend extends into federal taxes, will/estate benefits, legality of parenthood of a child if biological parent dies; so many examples of hoops to jump through or doors that simply will not open for you. A clearer example of Baxter's concept of favoritism and inequality could not exist.

Let us also look at the social aspect of marriage. Our families are an excellent source of sociological examples. Kyle's family refers to me as Kyle's wife even though we have told them many times we are not married and have no intention of getting married.  They label us as married because it is an easy way of quickly describing a long term relationship, even though it annoys both of us. My mother always refers to Kyle as Kyle, never as my boyfriend, my guy, my fiance, my husband, or any other pet nickname. Secretly, I think my mom despises him for not making an "Honest" woman out of me. Why is an unwed woman see as a person who "shacking up" implying that she is a whore or making poor choices? Society is judgmental just like the author below who apparently can tell you what's wrong with you, since you're not married, she assumes there must be something wrong with you. 

It takes an hour, a photo id, and some cash to get married. To get divorced it takes notarized documents, maybe litigation, months, lawyers, hundreds of dollars IF its a cheap divorce, and thousands if its contested. Since Kyle and I have already experienced marriages and divorces we have the benefit of seeing clearly from our mistakes. He and I view each day we have with each other as a chance to strengthen what we have. We don't have the false sense of security that a marriage implies, instead we have a solid foundation of communication. We acknowledge that we are both fickle beings and that our relationship has lasted this long because it works for both of us, but it may not last forever. That is the definition of honesty. That honesty brings trust, and trust brings security. This is an excellent example of Baxter's concept of contradictory relations. Kyle and I are in a healthy relationship despite moving against dominant societies requirement for marriage. 

My spouse, some laughter, moving in a positive direction... This is my happily ever after. 

Works Cited

Martin, J.N., & Nakayama, T. K. (2012). Intercultural Communication in Contexts (6th ed.). Boston, MA: McGraw Hill.

Not Married Yet Picture, http://www.naturalselectionbathandbody.com/specials/EPH/a_not_married_luck.html, retrieved 12 April 2013.  

Why you are not married picture, http://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/the-real-reason-youre-still-not-1305714, retrieved 12 April 2013.

Inequality in our Rights, http://canyonwalkerconnections.com/six-things-straight-people-should-stop-saying-about-gay-people/, retrieved 12 April 2013.